Final Meeting and Reflection

                A couple days ago, David and I met briefly for the final time this semester. We talked about finals and our plans for winter break. He said that he is going to Chicago to visit his wife’s family for Christmas, and he is excited to see more of the country.  

David told me that grammar was his best subject, but he struggled some in writing. I had to agree with him because writing is not my forte either. He told me that sometimes it’s hard for him to get the thoughts in his head onto paper in a coherent and articulate manner. I laughed and immediately thought about blogging.

                Blogging has been a challenging experience for me in this class. I am not used to writing my thoughts and reactions to everyday events or learning experiences. Sometimes it is difficult for me to put words on the page that people will be interested in reading or that really reflect how I feel.

After almost every meeting with David, I would go home and immediately jot down some notes about our conversation that stood out to me so that I would remember the majority of what we talked about. I would begin to type up my blog post about the meeting, get about halfway through, and stop. Almost every time. My half-blogs began to pile up and ended up with me finishing them all around the same time at the end of this semester. Blogging truly was a challenge for me.

But this experience with blogging has made me appreciate my meetings with David even more. I was able to teach him more about our language and our culture. I was able to explain to him why he got weird looks when he said the word “beach” in his accent. I was able to tell him about my college experiences, the relationships I’ve built, and the plans I have for my future.

Looking back on all these blogs, I’ve come to realize I was truly graced with the opportunity to meet him and learn so much from him too. In just the past six months his life has been full of crazy twists and turns and I was able to follow along with him on his journey. We are close in age but our life experiences could not be more different. I am almost jealous because his life seems to be more interesting than mine! But I’ve truly seen him mature throughout the semester as well as myself, and I wonder if David feels the same way. I am beginning to learn how to reflect on my experiences and I feel like writing them down is one of the best ways to do it. Although I still struggle somewhat with blogging, it has been a great learning experience for me and I’m glad David was there with me to help me grow.

PS. David I still owe you a game of one-on-one. Watch out, I can almost touch rim. 

Becoming a Man

                Today David and I met up in the BLUU to chat. We talked about how his wife was doing and how his landscaping job was going. He told me he is glad to be making money, but he tends to spend it all pretty quickly without thinking about saving it. However, his aunt is helping him learn ways to put some of his money away for future use. The thing is, David’s not used to having a ton of money at his disposal, but he’s also not used to working for what he has either. David told me a little story about his transition from his last few months in Colombia to where he is at now.

                When David finalized his decision to come to America to continue his education, he had about a six month period of free time before his arrival here. If you could describe David in one word during this stretch it would be lazy; and he’ll be the first to admit it. He said all he did was sit around, eat and sleep the entire time. All six months. No work, no school, no nothing. Unfortunately he built a bad habit and it stuck when he first got to the states. He continued to be sluggish and disengaged with his schoolwork and life in America, much to the dismay of his aunt.

                One day, David’s aunt just snapped. She looked David right in the face and asked “Who are you?” She told him he wasn’t in Colombia anymore. He couldn’t just follow around his parents and expect to be given everything. This is America now, his parents aren’t with him, and he’s going to have to work for what he’s got. He’s going to have to “become a man,” in her words. This caught David off guard because his aunt is usually a mellow woman. He got to thinking and realized that he could be squandering a really amazing opportunity in his new country. He started focusing up on his schoolwork and really became engaged in his new life.

                This mindset has carried over to David’s recent employment, marriage, and plan to move out and eventually join the Navy. He is beginning to take much more responsibility for himself, learning from his aunt. She has played the crucial role of a motivator and guide in his journey the past few months. She is teaching him how to balance his budget, solve problems, and make reasonable decisions. However, as helpful as she’s been, David still wants to move out and become independent. He told me that if he continues to live with his aunt and uncle, his problems can almost be immediately solved by just asking his aunt and uncle for help. Instead, he wants to be put in a position where he is forced to at least walk through the situation by himself and attempt to make a rational decision on his own. David believes this is his next step in “becoming a man.”

                Hearing David’s story over the past few months and how much he has grown has been astounding. From not knowing a single word of English in July, to getting a job, a wife, his own place, and an exciting future ahead of him. It really is inspiring how he had a change of attitude, from careless and lazy to dedicated and enthusiastic. It almost sounds like something out of a movie. In just a few short months, I bet David has learned more valuable lessons and skills than many TCU students. His journey has in no way been easy and has taken many twists and turns already. I truly admire him for his persistence and growth.

                I don’t think I will truly become a man until I am completely independent and out in the world on my own. I haven’t faced many overwhelming challenges in my life or had to make especially difficult decisions. Or perhaps I have and not necessarily realized it. Either way, it’s scary to think that I’m almost out there on my own, but I know I can take a lot from David’s story and learn from him.  

River Reflection #2

I stepped out into the cold, shivered and said to myself, “Alright I should probably make this quick, I have a lot to do and my sister’s waiting in the car.” Not the best mindset going into a “reflection.” As I began walking down the trail however, I realized I was nearly directly across the river from the location of my first river reflection. I began to think back to what was going through my mind over two months ago. Last time I sat down in a little opening in the woods, looking across the river at apartment buildings and listening to the music coming from Woodshed and thinking about being on the other side with all the people. Now I was with all the people, looking out at the mysterious woods.

                Could I have guessed what was behind that line of trees if I hadn’t already been there before? What would I have thought if I had come to this side first? Would I have wanted to be on the quieter, more secluded side instead? The last time I had done a reflection was right after a busy couple weeks and I was able to unwind and relax. This time, I was in the midst of studying for finals, and gearing up for one of the most important and stressful weeks of the semester. In a sense, the calm before the storm.

                Still, I was able to find peace at a bench and began to soak it all in. This side of the river was much busier. Bikers and runners passed by me every couple minutes; I was surprised at how many people were on the trail for a chilly Tuesday afternoon. A couple were talking on a bench inside the Woodshed as the song “Young Folks” by Peter Bjorn and John played in the background. I sang the tune in my head as I gazed out over the water. It was peaceful.

                I noticed there were many birds flying around and in the trees across the river. They were no small birds either, probably some sort of crane but I am no avian expert. Hundreds of them were gathered in the trees, and all the sudden they began to take off in waves. Not many were flying away though; most just circled overhead. It wasn’t as eerie as it sounds though. It was actually quite the sight, except for the fact that I considered leaving that spot out of fear of becoming a landing zone for bird excrement.

                Across the river on the opposite, the trees were bare and pale with the changing of the seasons. Some of the trees lurched out over the water as if they were reaching out to pick up something just below the surface.

                As I began to walk back, I passed a mother with her two small children. One was a little girl no more than three years old and was all layered up with a little pink hat on and was just about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I wondered what was going through her head at that age. She probably didn’t have a care in the world, while I’m sitting here freaking out about the thought of finals. I really have enjoyed my life and my experiences and the memories I’ve made but sometimes I wish I could go back to being a little kid where you had literally nothing to worry about besides what mom packed you for lunch or if you were going to be home in time to watch your favorite cartoon.

                These two river reflections have been the most rewarding assignments for me this semester. They came at pretty contrasting times; the first was after a couple week of difficult tests and papers and I was able to rewind and relax, while this time I was gearing up for finals and needed to brace myself for the rough two weeks ahead. Regardless, both times I was able to reflect on everything and also let my mind get away from whatever was worrying me, and I see myself continuing to do this next semester. 

Henry David Who?

                Before Lit Civ 2, I had never read a word of Thoreau or Emerson, or at least had no recollection of it. However, judging by the almost unanimous negative reaction when they were brought up in class, it sounds like an experience I wouldn’t have forgotten. I’m not sure how I made it through high school without being exposed to these writers, but I am glad I finally read them in this class. Maybe it was because we read them in small doses via short passages and not a full work, but I actually enjoyed the passages from Walden and Self-Reliance. Sure, the selections were tough to decipher after the first read, but they made me think. They made me ponder my way of life and if I should be doing something differently. I don’t necessarily agree with everything they say, but they do make many valid points.

                One viewpoint that stood out to me was the idea that you shouldn’t take any advice from other people or imitate in any way. A passage from Walden reads, “Practically, the old have no very important advice to give the young, their own experience has been so partial, and their lives have been such miserable failures.” I take advice from my elders all the time. I value the input of my parents and grandparents because they have a lot more experience in this thing called life. I don’t agree with Emerson when he is essentially saying that old people who give advice are failures. I understand learning on my own is important, but there a lot in this world I wouldn’t know if it weren’t for my elders. Perhaps Emerson is suggesting that I would have discovered these things on my own anyway.

                This ties into the next point about not trying to replicate what others do; Thoreau says, “Insist on yourself, never imitate.” I struggle with this concept a little bit too. I am a member of the Chancellor’s Leadership Program in which we learn about the Social Change Model, ethical leadership, and general way to help us become better leaders. One article we read is entitled “The Power of Full Engagement,” and it essentially outlines different ways to maximize your daily amount of energy. For example, one tactic is to fully engage yourself for short periods of time then fully disengaging to seek renewal before jumping back into it; basically sprinting instead of running a marathon. The article also advises drinking plenty of water. In essence, if I implemented these ideas in my daily routine, wouldn’t that be imitating? If I apply proven methods that could improve the way I live that someone else thought of first, am I imitating?

                I don’t think that Emerson and Thoreau would have approved of this because they would have believed it better if I figure out my own methods instead of using those of others. They surely would not have purchased any self-help books either. But I agree and disagree; I think it is beneficial to try the methods suggested in the article, but adapt them to what fits you best. Basically using the ideas as a guideline more than a strict rule.

                Another point made in the article that clashes with the views of these authors is the notion of “positive rituals.” The idea here is to do more basic and fundamental everyday actions on autopilot to conserve as much energy as possible for creative, enriching, and thus more demanding actions. Both Thoreau and Emerson speak about foolish consistencies and how easy it is for us to make a beaten path for ourselves. Although they’re probably referring to blindly following society’s traditions, I think they may have had something to say about these positive rituals. I believe they would have emphasized always being conscious and looking into oneself instead of putting your life on autopilot.

                Overall, I think Thoreau and Emerson make many valid points about blindly following society. One should truly be an individual and not succumb to senseless traditions. I just thought it was interesting how what I am learning today clashes with what they wrote about. And it makes me think: who is correct? I am not a true transcendentalist, but I do see myself implementing several of their ideas into my everyday life. 

On Holiday

David and I met again this week, the week after Thanksgiving break. He was supposed to go up to Chicago for Thanksgiving to visit his wife’s family but he wasn’t able to take off work to go. He seemed pretty disappointed about this, and I definitely would be too. It’s pretty unfortunate but he can’t afford to lose his job if he plans on paying for his new apartment. He didn’t get back from work until later on in the evening on Thanksgiving but his uncle had cooked a big turkey for them. I told him some of my most fond Thanksgiving memories and some traditions that we have. My grandmother on my dad’s side has these little figurines of different Thanksgiving characters like pilgrims, Native Americans, and turkeys and pairs them with a name card for everyone there. She then places them around the table to her discretion, indicating our seats for the meal. She also bakes a delicious Derby Pie, which originated in Kentucky where my grandparents are from.

David also told me how crazy he thought the Macy’s Day Parade was. He wasn’t familiar with the word “parade,” so I explained that concept to him. Regardless, he is pretty fascinated by how large the celebrations are for national holidays here in America. He told me about some of their holidays in Colombia like their Independence Day and their form of a President’s Day, but none of them bring as much celebration as Thanksgiving did. In addition, they have one or two holidays a month where everyone is off work and school, but he said they didn’t have a particular name or reason, they were just general “holidays.” These dates change every year similar to how some of ours do, so people have to look at the national calendar to know when the holidays are. This is an interesting concept to me, since I am used to being on holiday to observe the veterans or for religious meanings, not just to be on holiday.

We also got on the topic of birthdays and David’s birthday is on Christmas Eve, December 24. He went on to explain to me that Christmas Eve is much more important and festive in Colombia than Christmas Day. On Christmas Eve, families get to together and have dinner and celebrate, then they open their presents at midnight and celebrate throughout the night. I asked him how he has handled having his birthday on the same day and he said that he honestly doesn’t like his birthday very much. As a kid, not a lot of people would be able to come to his birthday parties because of the time of year, so he eventually just began to not enjoy his birthday. My birthday is in May so I sympathized with David but was not able to empathize.

Overall he did say he liked the way our holidays are. I’m glad to be able to hear the perspective of someone from outside of our country about our traditions. We are so accustomed to them and have an idea in our minds of what holidays should be like, while someone else may have a completely different concept. I enjoyed hearing about his different holiday traditions. It reminded me of elementary school where we would learn about different religions and how different cultures celebrated them, but this time it was first hand. I am continuing to learn more and more about the culture in Colombia, and it has really impressed me how well David has handled the transition.

Plans Change

                Today I met with David again. It had been a decent amount of time since our last meeting, because our schedules have not matched up very well. A lot has changed. A few minutes into the conversation, after we exchanged small talk about how our day had been and whatnot, out of nowhere David told me in a serious tone that he had recently gotten married. David is 19 and has only been living in the country since July, so I was pretty surprised by this news. He married a woman who is neighbors with his aunt and uncle, with whom he lives. Still, I congratulated him and a big smile stretched across his face; you could tell he was expecting a different response from me.

                I asked David how his parents reacted. He told me he hadn’t talked to his parents in a while because that was his uncle’s rule, but he called them a few days before the wedding. They were shocked and somewhat disappointed with the news. His mother was worried about his age and his father was upset because this wasn’t “part of the plan.” My heart broke for David when he told me about his parents’ initial lack of support. Deciding to get married is one of the biggest decisions in a person’s life and not having my parents’ approval of my decision would be discouraging to say the least. His classmates and teachers are also very surprised when he tells them, most replying with, “You’re so young!”

I was honest with him and told him that I personally would not consider getting married at my age and the point I’m at in my life. I wouldn’t consider getting married during my undergraduate years, and I see myself most likely waiting until at least the end of medical school (if that’s where my path takes me), and possibly after. But it is impossible and futile to plan out your whole life and the exact date when events like marriage will take place and, like David, someday my plans might change out of the blue. Still, David said he was happy and confident in the choice he made, and I think that is all that matters.

                Now that David is married, his plan has definitely take a 180. He recently got a job in landscaping and is now very busy with work on top of his studies. I think this will prove to be a positive experience for him because a job gets him more involved in the community and interacting with other people to help improve his English and social skills. Not to mention he is obviously bringing in income and gaining valuable work experience in America.

                I asked David what his new plan was. He told me that he first plans on using the money he makes from his job to pay for his own apartment. He no longer wants to live with his aunt and uncle now that he is married, so he has taken the initiative to get his own place. He wants to continue his education until the end of this year and then he plans on joining the Navy. He has always been interested in the military and he has several family members who are also in the Navy who he has been speaking to about it. As a matter of fact his wife is also in the Navy and she will be touring overseas for a year I believe he said, starting around the beginning of 2015.

                Although David made a decision that most people might question or even disapprove of, he remains unwavering and confident. He has developed a plan and seems to know how to handle this crazy turn in his life. And because of that I have the utmost respect for him. Most people might not be able to handle the pressure from family, friends, and society when faced with his situation, but he is handling it so well. I will keep supporting him and I am excited to see where this takes him.    

Food, Sportz, and Grocery Stores

Today I met with David for lunch at the BLUU upon my suggestion. When we got there, one of the first things he said was how he disliked the food at market square, so that was good. I offered to go eat somewhere else, but he decided to stick it out. We discussed the convenience of always having pizza and hamburgers at the BLUU if you don’t have much time, but we both eat pretty clean. This led to the topic of exercising and he told me how he gets up at 6am every morning to go lift before class, which is a pretty bold move for any college student. David also enjoys playing basketball; as a matter of fact, he actually got a scholarship to play ball back in Colombia. So I look forward to challenging him in a game of one-on-one and showing off my less than impressive jump shot, subpar ball-handling skills, and inadequate 5’8 frame.

 I do think it is really cool how easy it is to connect with people via sports and physical activity, even if they are from different continents. We hit it off for a solid 15-20 minutes just talking about exercising and sports. He explained that most people in Colombia play basketball or soccer because you really just need a ball and a net. He enjoys baseball and football, but not many people play those there because the equipment isn’t easily accessible. David has also never been to an American football game, so I encouraged him to come out to one of the TCU games. He was pretty shocked when I told him all he needed was to show his student ID to get in to the game. I am pretty curious as to how he would react to the atmosphere at Amon G. Carter Stadium. I’ve never been to a soccer match, but I’m sure they get pretty rowdy, especially in a country where that sport dominates like in Colombia. I wonder if there are chants similar to how we do them, and if fans act the same way as the students at the games (some more aggressive than others.)

David lives around 15 minutes away from campus with his aunt and uncle, so we began to talk about the comparisons in living situations. He told me that in Colombia there aren’t suburban areas, and most live in big urban cities. He didn’t have to drive anywhere because just about everything was within walking distance, even grocery stores, which they also do very differently there. Instead of having everything in one big store like a Walmart, many families own their own small stores, some in their own garage. He said you can get items like shampoo, eggs, sheep and other various items and they usually just hop around to these different little shops around where they lived, which intrigued me. When you live on a college campus, most places you go are within walking distance including stores like Kroger and CVS. But back at home in suburbia, you basically have to drive everywhere, and I told David this. I can’t imagine just going to my next door neighbor and buying shampoo or a sheep off of them. That’s pretty nuts.

He did tell me how convenient he thought gas stations were, though. One day, he was either biking or running (I can’t remember which) and he had to stop to get something to drink. He went into a gas station and was amazed at how much they had. However, he must have stopped in a rougher area of town, because he said he felt like the gas station was dangerous. It was interesting to hear him say how he noticed how nice TCU is, but just around the corner are very rough areas. It’s still puzzling to me how that happens, and even someone who hasn’t been in the country long notices the abrupt change in quality and socioeconomic status.

It is interesting to hear the perspective of someone who hasn’t lived in America for long, and I am continuing to learn from my meetings with David.